First let me begin with a disclaimer - before I became a mother I thought that playgroups would be a happy distraction from mundane daily household activities and a great way to make new friends. And it's true, they are a great way of achieving these things. What I didn't realise though was the emotional toll it can take on you, especially if you have survived infertility and are sensitive about some issues.
Some issues can be found in any social gathering - differences of opinion with regards to politics, religion, abortion or social policy. It has been known for some parents to use their playgroup as a networking opportunity for their direct selling ventures which can rub the rest of the group the wrong way. And sometimes there is just simply a clash of personalities. More likely though are the differences in parenting styles and the inevitable comparing (and criticising whether within the group or at home) between babies and techniques.
All babies are not the same, however most people feel the need to compare. All babies are not the same size (otherwise why the need for growth charts?!) but invariably the comparisons will begin, especially with young babies. Talk of weight gained per week or month will dominate conversations and if you are feeling sensitive about how big or small your baby is compared to the others, or if your baby is not feeding as well as they could.
Once the babies can move or make noises the comparisons change to motor skills and verbal ability. There's always one baby that walks or talks first, one that eats anything put down in front of them and the "angel baby" who has slept through the night since 6 weeks of age and who happily sleeps in their pram while other babies scream, vomit, whinge incessantly or throw tantrums.
Apart from universal parenting issues there may be issues that arise which specifically effect infertile/IVF parents. Being in the fertile world many surprise many IVF parents. Casual talk of family planning and discussion of "when" and not "if" people will have another child can be confronting especially if you are grappling with being able to afford more IVF treatment cycles or you are dealing with secondary infertility. If you've joined a new mothers' group then nearly all of the other babies will be firstborn children and it will be a level playing field. But once other women start having second or even third children while you are unable to conceive it can be hard to be around them. Even if you feel like you have dealt with your infertility issues the announcement of a surprise or "oops" pregnancy from a fertile playgroup member can cause old bitter feelings to resurface. People's opinions on only children can also be upsetting, especially if your path to achieving just one live birth has been long and difficult and it is uncertain or unlikely that you could have another child.
This is not to say that playgroup/mothers' group can't be a rewarding experience. Indeed, it's sometimes (or often) the only way to meet other new parents. Due to social isolation prevalent in modern society many families lack traditional support systems and so playgroups can fill this gap. But it's worth remembering that, as with any group of people, frictions can develop and you may not get on with everybody. If you realise this you may find that you end up making strong friendships for both yourself and your child.
**This is an opinion piece derived from observations from personal experience and experiences of friends and acquaintances**
